How Do You Change The World?
Growing up, especially during college, I was always dreaming about the future and what I would do. I was a graphic design major at Baylor University and I imagined making an impact in the world through an illustrious career. 'I am going to go work for a huge marketing agency and be famous for my ad campaigns.' That was what the movies said, right? Unfortunately, that was my definition of 'changing the world,' although it really wasn't MY definition.
The more life I lived and the older I got, the more my definition of 'changing the world' evolved - the more the definition of 'changing the world' became my own definition. I began thinking more and more of how I could change the world where I was - at work, with my friends, my family, strangers. I wanted to stop thinking about the one shot approach, and start thinking about how I could inspire change daily - make an impact daily. How could I be a better daughter, mother, partner, co-worker? Could I encourage someone in their career, could I inspire personal growth in someone, could I support a friend, teach someone something new? I could do all these things. I realized that the stepping stone to 'changing the whole world' was to change it one day at time - intentionally, looking for opportunities, and without selfishness.
Are you looking for ways to change the world? Check out 500 Simple Acts to Change the World and 365 Ways to Save the Earth, or schedule a 20 minute session with Third Entity to consult with a pro about ways you can create change.
Growing up, especially during college, I was always dreaming about the future and what I would do. I was a graphic design major at Baylor University and I imagined making an impact in the world through an illustrious career. 'I am going to go work for a huge marketing agency and be famous for my ad campaigns.' That was what the movies said, right? Unfortunately, that was my definition of 'changing the world,' although it really wasn't MY definition.
The more life I lived and the older I got, the more my definition of 'changing the world' evolved - the more the definition of 'changing the world' became my own definition. I began thinking more and more of how I could change the world where I was - at work, with my friends, my family, strangers. I wanted to stop thinking about the one shot approach, and start thinking about how I could inspire change daily - make an impact daily. How could I be a better daughter, mother, partner, co-worker? Could I encourage someone in their career, could I inspire personal growth in someone, could I support a friend, teach someone something new? I could do all these things. I realized that the stepping stone to 'changing the whole world' was to change it one day at time - intentionally, looking for opportunities, and without selfishness.
Are you looking for ways to change the world? Check out 500 Simple Acts to Change the World and 365 Ways to Save the Earth, or schedule a 20 minute session with Third Entity to consult with a pro about ways you can create change.
Conflict
My son came home after basketball practice and told me a kid was rolling his eyes at him every time he missed a shot and whispering under his breath to other teammates, "Man, he's so bad," when he missed a layup. My kid's pretty tough - always HAPPY 😃 (I mean, pretty much ALWAYS) - no one steals his joy - but things like that do make him mad and frustrated. So, on the car ride home, guess who tried to turn it into a teaching moment - yes, that's me - the parent. I started thinking in my head how to talk to him about conflict and explain to him some ways, based on my own experiences, to deal with conflict in a healthy way. Funny enough, I realized, "Geez, much of my life, I've stuffed my feelings down inside of me until I exploded." Not really the advice I wanted to give him. 😂 I was prepared to teach him the "passive" approach. Not that I was suggesting he do the opposite and give the kid a beat down, either.
However, it occurred to me, why can't handling conflict outside the home be the same as inside the home. With my son, I deal with our conflict head on. I address it immediately, because, I know myself. I will let it fester and I will procrastinate addressing it and then I will continue to be bothered by it and it will affect my mood until I explode. I mean, pretty much NO ONE enjoys conflict (although I know some people who do 😝) and we try to avoid it - and it feels "safer" (which really is ironic).
When my wonderful, amazing life partner came into my life, he unknowingly coached me (he's a life coach 😆) on how to have conflict not just in a healthy way, but a productive way. I evolved. I didn't let things fester. I addressed things immediately with him, my son, my daughter. I vocalized my feelings, respectfully. This transformation for myself didn't happen overnight. It took me two years to get into the habit of dealing with conflict differently and I have to say I am so so SO pleased with the results. The dynamic of my relationships with my children, family and colleagues, has become very different. There are boundaries and, most of the time, a mutual respect for one another. Looking back two years ago, I remember dishes piling up in the sink EVERY DAY - everyone waiting for me to do them - until I vocalized that I expected everyone to do their own because that's not a huge ask - it really isn't. It set the tone for respect in the home.
So, back to in the car with my son, I communicated to him, "Don't stuff all those feelings you feel down inside of you and hold them in because you're afraid of causing an upset. Deal with it head on. Vocalize how you are feeling, RESPECTFULLY, because if you don't, you'll never be able to deal with conflict. You may not necessarily resolve it - but get your mind in a better place because of YOUR reaction to conflict. You can say to the kid, 'Hey, we're supposed to work as a team and you're cutting me and our teammates down. That's not how we operate and that's not how I operate. We should be showing each other respect.' Obviously resolving conflict takes two willing people and you may never "resolve" conflict. The kid may continue being a bad teammate, but that's on him. No matter the outcome, my son will feel really good for standing up for himself and vocalizing his feelings.
So, I'm sure you're wondering what happened in that situation. I don't think my son said exactly what I suggested. I don't think at 14 he's that confident in himself yet. Heck, most adults aren't confident enough to handle conflict in that way. That doesn't mean I won't still continue encouraging him to be confident and vocal and respectful in communicating his thoughts and emotions, because I know and believe, one day, it will rub off. He'll be in a situation, and he'll hear my voice in his head, and he'll be bold and confident and he'll feel wonderful! I wish someone had taught me this early in my life. I truly believe my relationships with strangers, family, friends, and colleagues would have been very different.
My son came home after basketball practice and told me a kid was rolling his eyes at him every time he missed a shot and whispering under his breath to other teammates, "Man, he's so bad," when he missed a layup. My kid's pretty tough - always HAPPY 😃 (I mean, pretty much ALWAYS) - no one steals his joy - but things like that do make him mad and frustrated. So, on the car ride home, guess who tried to turn it into a teaching moment - yes, that's me - the parent. I started thinking in my head how to talk to him about conflict and explain to him some ways, based on my own experiences, to deal with conflict in a healthy way. Funny enough, I realized, "Geez, much of my life, I've stuffed my feelings down inside of me until I exploded." Not really the advice I wanted to give him. 😂 I was prepared to teach him the "passive" approach. Not that I was suggesting he do the opposite and give the kid a beat down, either.
However, it occurred to me, why can't handling conflict outside the home be the same as inside the home. With my son, I deal with our conflict head on. I address it immediately, because, I know myself. I will let it fester and I will procrastinate addressing it and then I will continue to be bothered by it and it will affect my mood until I explode. I mean, pretty much NO ONE enjoys conflict (although I know some people who do 😝) and we try to avoid it - and it feels "safer" (which really is ironic).
When my wonderful, amazing life partner came into my life, he unknowingly coached me (he's a life coach 😆) on how to have conflict not just in a healthy way, but a productive way. I evolved. I didn't let things fester. I addressed things immediately with him, my son, my daughter. I vocalized my feelings, respectfully. This transformation for myself didn't happen overnight. It took me two years to get into the habit of dealing with conflict differently and I have to say I am so so SO pleased with the results. The dynamic of my relationships with my children, family and colleagues, has become very different. There are boundaries and, most of the time, a mutual respect for one another. Looking back two years ago, I remember dishes piling up in the sink EVERY DAY - everyone waiting for me to do them - until I vocalized that I expected everyone to do their own because that's not a huge ask - it really isn't. It set the tone for respect in the home.
So, back to in the car with my son, I communicated to him, "Don't stuff all those feelings you feel down inside of you and hold them in because you're afraid of causing an upset. Deal with it head on. Vocalize how you are feeling, RESPECTFULLY, because if you don't, you'll never be able to deal with conflict. You may not necessarily resolve it - but get your mind in a better place because of YOUR reaction to conflict. You can say to the kid, 'Hey, we're supposed to work as a team and you're cutting me and our teammates down. That's not how we operate and that's not how I operate. We should be showing each other respect.' Obviously resolving conflict takes two willing people and you may never "resolve" conflict. The kid may continue being a bad teammate, but that's on him. No matter the outcome, my son will feel really good for standing up for himself and vocalizing his feelings.
So, I'm sure you're wondering what happened in that situation. I don't think my son said exactly what I suggested. I don't think at 14 he's that confident in himself yet. Heck, most adults aren't confident enough to handle conflict in that way. That doesn't mean I won't still continue encouraging him to be confident and vocal and respectful in communicating his thoughts and emotions, because I know and believe, one day, it will rub off. He'll be in a situation, and he'll hear my voice in his head, and he'll be bold and confident and he'll feel wonderful! I wish someone had taught me this early in my life. I truly believe my relationships with strangers, family, friends, and colleagues would have been very different.
You Sunk My Battleship
Sometimes as a parent, I feel like I am not doing enough. The kids aren't happy. As parents, I believe we are often plagued with guilt (founded or unfounded). Many times, it feels unspecific - just a blanket that covers me with doubt. I feel uneasy. I often can pep talk myself into a better mindset, reason with myself in my mind, think logically and overcome that feeling. Sometimes that doesn't work. Sometimes, no amount of pep talking will help, but then it passes, and I'm back to my old self. To me, that's the nature of parents who care about their kids. 😊
The last time this happened, I found myself thinking about my years growing up. My parents did a lot for me. They were always doing for me, and I got used to it (as I am sure the majority of kids do). In my teenage years, I acted entitled (as I am sure the majority of teens act at one point or another whether consciously or not), and when something didn't go right, from time to time, I would think, "Well, if my parents hadn't moved us, or, if they had let me go to this college...I would be happier." I had the "You Sunk My Battleship" mindset.
I know down deep in my soul that I have done everything in my power to create an amazing and full life for my kids, and I know my parents felt the same. As a parent of teens, I have said to them, "I've done everything I can to provide an environment for you to find happiness. Now, it's your turn to invest in yourself," and even though I may hand over the reins to them and let them drive, I'm always in the passenger seat in case they need some direction 😊. I don't want my kids to have a "You Sunk My Battleship" mentality. Happiness is a choice and they are just as accountable to invest in themselves as much as I am as their parent.
Sometimes as a parent, I feel like I am not doing enough. The kids aren't happy. As parents, I believe we are often plagued with guilt (founded or unfounded). Many times, it feels unspecific - just a blanket that covers me with doubt. I feel uneasy. I often can pep talk myself into a better mindset, reason with myself in my mind, think logically and overcome that feeling. Sometimes that doesn't work. Sometimes, no amount of pep talking will help, but then it passes, and I'm back to my old self. To me, that's the nature of parents who care about their kids. 😊
The last time this happened, I found myself thinking about my years growing up. My parents did a lot for me. They were always doing for me, and I got used to it (as I am sure the majority of kids do). In my teenage years, I acted entitled (as I am sure the majority of teens act at one point or another whether consciously or not), and when something didn't go right, from time to time, I would think, "Well, if my parents hadn't moved us, or, if they had let me go to this college...I would be happier." I had the "You Sunk My Battleship" mindset.
I know down deep in my soul that I have done everything in my power to create an amazing and full life for my kids, and I know my parents felt the same. As a parent of teens, I have said to them, "I've done everything I can to provide an environment for you to find happiness. Now, it's your turn to invest in yourself," and even though I may hand over the reins to them and let them drive, I'm always in the passenger seat in case they need some direction 😊. I don't want my kids to have a "You Sunk My Battleship" mentality. Happiness is a choice and they are just as accountable to invest in themselves as much as I am as their parent.
Art of Conversation
While browsing ideas on Pinterest for New Year's Eve time capsule ideas, I came across something interesting (at least to myself 😝) - lists of reflective questions to ask yourself and/or ask others. Not questions like 'what's your favorite color', etc., but some really good questions that take thought and time to answer. These questions were very specific - meaning you couldn't respond with a vague answer or blanket statement. You had to dig deep - be specific. This got me thinking about the Art of Conversation.
Having a lot of experience talking to others (since we all do this on a daily basis 😃), I truly believe the art of conversation is not emphasized enough, and it's the thing we do most in life! At work and in our personal lives, we spend the majority of our time managing people and our relationships with them. If you're like me, you often get frustrated when things get lost in translation. Are we being as effective as possible in our communication with others? Why do we not spend more time developing our communication and conversational skills? Check out this excerpt defining of the art of communication:
The art of communication involves the transmission of information from one source to another to convey a specific message in order to elicit a desired reaction or result. Communications strategies and plans therefore focus on delivering messages effectively to obtain specific results.
Are you getting the results you desire from others? Are you specific in your line of questioning, in your words, in your conversations?
Keep in mind, the art of conversation is an art form - it's not prescriptive. There are numerous ways to approach communication; and, there are plenty of people and resources in the world to aid us in defining our own approach to get the results we seek. I'm already thinking of how I can utilize these lists of questions at home and at work to probe the mind, sharpen my skills, and encourage others to do the same. In addition, if you're looking for some coaching in this area, check out Third Entity.
While browsing ideas on Pinterest for New Year's Eve time capsule ideas, I came across something interesting (at least to myself 😝) - lists of reflective questions to ask yourself and/or ask others. Not questions like 'what's your favorite color', etc., but some really good questions that take thought and time to answer. These questions were very specific - meaning you couldn't respond with a vague answer or blanket statement. You had to dig deep - be specific. This got me thinking about the Art of Conversation.
Having a lot of experience talking to others (since we all do this on a daily basis 😃), I truly believe the art of conversation is not emphasized enough, and it's the thing we do most in life! At work and in our personal lives, we spend the majority of our time managing people and our relationships with them. If you're like me, you often get frustrated when things get lost in translation. Are we being as effective as possible in our communication with others? Why do we not spend more time developing our communication and conversational skills? Check out this excerpt defining of the art of communication:
The art of communication involves the transmission of information from one source to another to convey a specific message in order to elicit a desired reaction or result. Communications strategies and plans therefore focus on delivering messages effectively to obtain specific results.
Are you getting the results you desire from others? Are you specific in your line of questioning, in your words, in your conversations?
Keep in mind, the art of conversation is an art form - it's not prescriptive. There are numerous ways to approach communication; and, there are plenty of people and resources in the world to aid us in defining our own approach to get the results we seek. I'm already thinking of how I can utilize these lists of questions at home and at work to probe the mind, sharpen my skills, and encourage others to do the same. In addition, if you're looking for some coaching in this area, check out Third Entity.
Freedom
The world can be a stressful place and sometimes I feel burdened, overwhelmed. As an adult, I find a sense of freedom from life in a few ways when I am feeling down.
Physically: Leaving my house when I feel crushed by the long list of adult tasks I must manage.
I need to clear my mind. I am able to do that in a large, open, and secluded outdoor space like the park near my home. It has a lake and the quietness of that place, with the exception of the running fountain, an occasional bird call, and/or the wind blowing now and again reminds me of heaven - peacefulness. There is a purity in the freedom I find in things like this. A purity that the world cannot touch. It's just God and I in this place. I tell Him how I really feel about things and he understands me in a way no one can. Sometimes, I don't even have to think the words - the communication is in my spirit and emotion.
Mentally: I sometimes withdraw into my mind, specifically childhood memories, moments, experiences - untainted by the world. Not the memories where I fell from the monkey bars and split my chin open, or the memory of a student who was mean to me. Who wants to remember those? 😀 I remember cutting Halloween ghosts and pumpkins out of construction paper with a friend in my neighborhood, making Valentine's hearts in school by ironing crayon shavings in between wax paper hearts, using our pull-down attic over the garage as a clubhouse during an afternoon rainstorm (and also decorating the rafters with tons of stickers I had collected - much to my parents' surprise 😬), finding coveted fruit rolls-ups in my lunches, drinking apple juice and eating graham crackers for snack in Sunday School, watching after school cartoons Duck Tales and Tale Spin, reading the Little Bear and Berenstain Bears storybooks, painting by number, coloring in those thick recycled paper coloring books and remembering the smell of a box of crayons, swinging on the swing set and climbing the jungle gym, rolling around on my Little Tykes roller skates and jumping with the Skip-It that I received as a birthday gift, my mom baking me an M&M decorated birthday cake, making daisy chains in the grass during recess at school, taking a trip to K-Mart to get a brand new barbie and remembering the sweet, tropical smell of the Hawaiian Barbie I received as a gift one year, going to Wendy's after school with my mom and nana to get chicken sandwiches, fries, and frosties, my dad reading Goldilocks and the Three Bears 🐻 and changing his voice for each character.
I remember these happy memories and I feel recharged because of them. I expel the bad and absorb the good - less burdened and more refreshed. Then I'm ready to keep moving forward, making new memories to remember.
The world can be a stressful place and sometimes I feel burdened, overwhelmed. As an adult, I find a sense of freedom from life in a few ways when I am feeling down.
Physically: Leaving my house when I feel crushed by the long list of adult tasks I must manage.
I need to clear my mind. I am able to do that in a large, open, and secluded outdoor space like the park near my home. It has a lake and the quietness of that place, with the exception of the running fountain, an occasional bird call, and/or the wind blowing now and again reminds me of heaven - peacefulness. There is a purity in the freedom I find in things like this. A purity that the world cannot touch. It's just God and I in this place. I tell Him how I really feel about things and he understands me in a way no one can. Sometimes, I don't even have to think the words - the communication is in my spirit and emotion.
Mentally: I sometimes withdraw into my mind, specifically childhood memories, moments, experiences - untainted by the world. Not the memories where I fell from the monkey bars and split my chin open, or the memory of a student who was mean to me. Who wants to remember those? 😀 I remember cutting Halloween ghosts and pumpkins out of construction paper with a friend in my neighborhood, making Valentine's hearts in school by ironing crayon shavings in between wax paper hearts, using our pull-down attic over the garage as a clubhouse during an afternoon rainstorm (and also decorating the rafters with tons of stickers I had collected - much to my parents' surprise 😬), finding coveted fruit rolls-ups in my lunches, drinking apple juice and eating graham crackers for snack in Sunday School, watching after school cartoons Duck Tales and Tale Spin, reading the Little Bear and Berenstain Bears storybooks, painting by number, coloring in those thick recycled paper coloring books and remembering the smell of a box of crayons, swinging on the swing set and climbing the jungle gym, rolling around on my Little Tykes roller skates and jumping with the Skip-It that I received as a birthday gift, my mom baking me an M&M decorated birthday cake, making daisy chains in the grass during recess at school, taking a trip to K-Mart to get a brand new barbie and remembering the sweet, tropical smell of the Hawaiian Barbie I received as a gift one year, going to Wendy's after school with my mom and nana to get chicken sandwiches, fries, and frosties, my dad reading Goldilocks and the Three Bears 🐻 and changing his voice for each character.
I remember these happy memories and I feel recharged because of them. I expel the bad and absorb the good - less burdened and more refreshed. Then I'm ready to keep moving forward, making new memories to remember.
We Don't Have to Be Perfect
As artists, we often compare - actually, almost always compare - our work to other artists.
At the J.M.W. Turner art exhibit, I had the opportunity to view his sketchbooks encased in beautiful glass stands and his gouache and ink landscapes on paper presented in gold gilded frames on the walls. Everything was presented so perfectly. As I moved closer to inspect, I noticed the sketchbook pages had evidence of ink splotches splattered here and there, and there were a few pin hole marks in the corners of some of the framed paintings. I also discovered Turner was known to start paintings and not finish them. 😀
In the past, when I've thought of art exhibits, I expected to see perfection. No pencil lines showing, no mistakes, perfectly framed. Where I got this idea, I have no idea. I imagined that's what the public wanted to see, but I don't believe that's true. People want authenticity. At least, I do.
These "imperfections" allowed me to weave together the story of Turner's technique, his process, and his approach. Did he sketch first, then add paint? Did he pin his work to the wall or lay it flat? Did he like his art unfinished? I didn't want to fly through the exhibit in 10 minutes and go home, never to think of the exhibit again.
Thinking about my own art, I had a renewed confidence in how I presented my own work, "imperfections" and all. I want to reflect my approach in my work-tell my own story-whether I have ink splotches or pin holes, or whether I think the piece looks better unfinished. I can always add a gold gilded frame 😉. Everyone's approach is different, as it should be - that's what makes it so unique.
As artists, we often compare - actually, almost always compare - our work to other artists.
At the J.M.W. Turner art exhibit, I had the opportunity to view his sketchbooks encased in beautiful glass stands and his gouache and ink landscapes on paper presented in gold gilded frames on the walls. Everything was presented so perfectly. As I moved closer to inspect, I noticed the sketchbook pages had evidence of ink splotches splattered here and there, and there were a few pin hole marks in the corners of some of the framed paintings. I also discovered Turner was known to start paintings and not finish them. 😀
In the past, when I've thought of art exhibits, I expected to see perfection. No pencil lines showing, no mistakes, perfectly framed. Where I got this idea, I have no idea. I imagined that's what the public wanted to see, but I don't believe that's true. People want authenticity. At least, I do.
These "imperfections" allowed me to weave together the story of Turner's technique, his process, and his approach. Did he sketch first, then add paint? Did he pin his work to the wall or lay it flat? Did he like his art unfinished? I didn't want to fly through the exhibit in 10 minutes and go home, never to think of the exhibit again.
Thinking about my own art, I had a renewed confidence in how I presented my own work, "imperfections" and all. I want to reflect my approach in my work-tell my own story-whether I have ink splotches or pin holes, or whether I think the piece looks better unfinished. I can always add a gold gilded frame 😉. Everyone's approach is different, as it should be - that's what makes it so unique.
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